Where Can I find that Hope?

 

 

"Hope finds its strength in helplessness and calmly waits for Thee."

Streams in the Desert March 25

 

Psalm 139:7 Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence?

 

If I sit in the living room every night itching, You are there.

If I take all the prescribed drugs and itch, You know why.

If I want to run through the streets screaming and smashing eggs against the trees in the woods,

You understand.

If only I, too, had such insight today.

 

Years ago in Streams in the Desert I read:

Job 13:15 KJV Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him: but I will maintain mine own ways before Him.

and the NIV Job 13:15 Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him; I will surely defend my ways to His face.

At first I only recited and learned the first part, "though He slay me, yet will I trust Him." I found a prayer by Teilhard de Chardin, French philosopher, Jesuit priest, paleontologist and geologist which reads:

" Oh God, grant that I may understand that it is You

who are painfully parting the fibers of my being

in order to penetrate to the very marrow of my substance

and bear me away within Yourself."

I can honestly say I have been more transparent with The Lord through this particular trial than ever before. We are growing closer in spite of all my body can dish out! I will surely not need to say much to His face as I have poured my life and my heart into this effort to remain calm, patient and receptive to His healing in what ever way it comes.

 

I have kept to my declaration, day and night,

"I have determined that this day, each time I am drawn up short by pain (or itching)

I will praise You for I love You better than life - even better than quality of life."

 

Hope, trust, hope,trust, trusthope, hopetrust - I do not always like it, but we are going through this TOGETHER. Once on retreat He spoke to me "We Are Terrific Together!"

 

Just keep me Lord, I pray. Where can I find hope? In His hands.

 

 

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